i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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