I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
