I'm eating all of the evidence.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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