separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
