Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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