Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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