I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
