highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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