Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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