saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
