Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
