RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dear god my vagina.
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