Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
