I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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