I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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