i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
