hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
