My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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