I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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