just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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