Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
