Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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