just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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