i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We are two peas in an std pod
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
