I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
