I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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