All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need a burrito and a hug.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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