He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
