I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize