Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
