The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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