Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
