4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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