I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
