I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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