just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
false alarm, still single
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
