he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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