Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
