a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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