If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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