I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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