We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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