I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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