matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
