It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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