didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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