apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
