Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
