your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
