that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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