from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
