I'm drive I can fine osifer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So many bounce houses so little time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
