filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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