Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
