I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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