so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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