why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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