you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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