yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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