Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sarcasm needs its own font
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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