Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize