just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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