Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so let's talk penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
