i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Vodka?
Forever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
