Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
