so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
