I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
