Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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