You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
