to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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