we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
