hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
