There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
