Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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