i jhust puked up my retainher.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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